Overcoming Depression

Help and tips for getting over depression

  • Home
  • Start here
  • Depression
    • Depression Symptoms
    • Depression: a Physical Illness?
    • Cognitive Therapy
    • Mood Analysis
    • Faulty Thinking Patterns
    • Postoperative Depression
    • Teenage Depression and Suicide
    • Achieving Good Self-Esteem
    • Get Rid of Guilt
    • Book Reviews
  • Anxiety
    • Types of Anxiety Disorders
    • First Aid for Panic Attacks
    • Tips for Overcoming Anxiety
    • Myths about Panic Attacks
    • Anxiety Relaxation Technique
    • Anxiety and love
    • Locus of Control
  • Stress
    • Stressed out?
    • Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale
    • Stress Relief Activities
    • Stress and Pregnancy
    • Stress Hives
    • Tips to Beat Exam Stress
    • Reduce Work Related Stress
    • How to cope when you’re looking for work
    • Winning when you lose
    • Crises of Adult Life
  • Alcohol Abuse
    • Codependent Checklist
    • Marriage and alcohol
    • Stress and Alcohol
  • Relationships
    • 5 Tips for Restoring a hurting marriage
    • Signs of an Abusive Relationship
    • Our Birth Family
    • 6 Common Human Needs!
    • 5 Stages of Grief
      • Helping a grieving friend
    • Overcoming Loneliness
    • Successfully deal with anger and criticism
  • Trauma
    • Trauma Survivor
    • Blaming the Victim
  • About Me
    • Contact Me
  • Blog

Quit begging for love

October 8, 2013 by Karin Stewart Leave a Comment

begging for love

All our behavior is motivated by a need and the Need for Love is a big one.

Who doesn’t want to be loved? But so often when you come across as desperate for love your attempts fail and it actually has the opposite effect – it drives people away and your love tank remains empty.

Quit Begging for LOVE!

STOP begging for love and admiration if your loved one isn’t willing to give it.

How do you beg for love?

  •  You beg when you constantly whine and complain, or in some cases, get upset, when your emotional or physical needs aren’t being met.
  • You beg when you allow that person to send you into depression because you don’t feel attractive or wanted.
  • You beg when you silently cry because you feel they doesn’t love you. (Feelings don’t always represent the truth)
  • You beg when you show your signs of hurt and despair each time you see someone else getting the love that should be reserved for you.

Let’s look at some examples

When you see your partner enjoying another person’s company you get upset. The only possible reason to get upset is because you see this as a sign that they don’t really love you. Can you think of another reason?

When your loved one doesn’t hold your hand or shower you with compliments, or send you flowers you get upset. So you sulk and withdraw expecting them to figure out what they did wrong. How unfair! Nobody is able to mind-read.

Nobody is able to fully meet your need for love … so quit all this trying!

Focus on loving yourself for the truly amazing person that you are.
Compliment yourself on the things you do.
Stop waiting for someone to validate you – it might never come and life will pass you by.

Inner love is very appealing to others and is a sure way of getting others to love you. Basically you’re taking the pressure off the other person. You’re allowing them to be the person that they are meant to be without them having to be hyper-vigilante at doing ‘the right thing’ to keep you happy and feeling loved.

All the things you’d like others to do for you focus on trying to do these very same things for others … You might be surprised at what happens. Make a list so this doesn’t just become a theoretical exercise.

‘So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets’. Matthew 7:12

If you are in a dating relationship and experiencing these issues, I strongly suggest you re-evaluate your expectations in the relationship. If you find it difficult to accept your partner for exactly who they are before you marry, I assure you it’s not going to get better after you’re married.

If you’re in a committed marriage, re-evaluate your expectations.  When your partner does something that you interpret as a sign that they don’t love you, ask yourself if your interpretation is correct. Your reaction could stem from your great neediness for love.

Two pieces of marriage advice that changed my life.

When I was newly married (36 years ago now) an older friend said to me. “Do not expect your husband to meet all of your needs, just as you won’t be able to meet all of his”. Wow! I thought my role as a wife was to meet all his needs. This insight was truly freeing!

When your partner does something that you interpret as them not loving you, ask yourself: Was my partner intentionally trying to hurt me? Usually the answer is no as we all do or say things that unintentionally hurt others. In this case, let it be, ignore it and move on.

Self love is what you’re aiming for, rather than nagging, complaining and sulking. Self-love is what will ultimately get your need for love met.

Filed Under: Attitude, Blog, Relationships Tagged With: love

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Posts

  • Psychological withdrawal for addicts
  • Need to be needed
  • Why You Can’t Rescue an Addict
  • Your words have power
  • Taking a leap forward!

Like Me on Facebook

Facebook

Categories

  • addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Anger
  • Anxiety
  • Approval
  • Attitude
  • Bible
  • Blog
  • Book Review
  • Depression
  • Perfectionism
  • Relationships
  • slider
  • Stress
  • Success
  • Thinking
  • Uncategorized
  • Work

Tags

alcohol Anger anxiety approval be creative be yourself change your thinking chinese tale Chino Otsuka co-dependent cognitive therapy Cry Power depression Dora Taylor downward spiral drug addiction encouragement fight or flight forgiveness friends funny hope inner child interference Jared Diamond Collapse Joy Laurence Olivier life with purpose locus of control love marriage morning depression nagging Nelson Mandela Pamela Williams perfectionism perseverance poetry rescuing self-esteem shyness start here stress success trauma

Comments

  • Karin on Why You Can’t Rescue an Addict
  • Tommy on Why You Can’t Rescue an Addict
  • tony deyn on Facing your giants
  • Veronica Frances Watkins on The real definition of relapse and why it matters
  • Roger Johanson on The old farmer and his horse

Archives

Categories

Latest blog posts

  • Psychological withdrawal for addicts
  • Need to be needed
  • Why You Can’t Rescue an Addict
  • Your words have power
  • Taking a leap forward!
  • Nagging your partner really doesn’t help!
  • The real definition of relapse and why it matters
  • The old farmer and his horse

Feeling Good By David Burns

This is the greatest 'value for money' self-help book ever. It changed my life forever and it can change yours! Available from Amazon David Burns

Need help for anxiety?

L- Theanine available from Amazon.coml-theanine image

Copyright © 2022 · Outreach Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.Accept