Nag, nag, nag…. Do you really think nagging your partner is going to change them?
| ‘A nagging wife [or person] is like water going drip-drip-drip on a rainy day’ (Proverbs 27:15). |
| How irritating is that. It’s enough to make you want to run away and live on the roof! |
| ‘Better to live on the roof than share the house with a nagging wife [or person]’ (Proverbs 25:24). |
Have you heard the saying ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again’. What terrible advice to give anyone. How about this for better advice.
| If at first you don’t succeed REVISE YOUR STRATEGY AND THEN TRY AGAIN. |
No matter how much you nag your partner, it’s not going to change them. Agreed? A change of strategy is needed first.
- Despite irritating behavior BELIEVE that your partner means well for you and isn’t actually out to get you with their irritating behavior. What you believe affects how you behave.
- Love your partner exactly as they are.
- Try focusing on their good qualities, actively showing appreciation with words and gestures. Don’t just focus on the negative. Try ignoring these for a while.
FOCUS ON THE BEHAVIOR
What behavior is it exactly that irritates you? Telling your partner that they’re thoughtless or inconsiderate or selfish or anything else like this doesn’t give your partner any clue as to what you’d like them to do differently.
Let’s try an example:
| “You’re so thoughtless you never think of me, you just watch TV all the time”. |
In your opinion your partner might be watching too much TV, but that’s your opinion and you won’t get any change with accusations like this. Try to stick to “I feel statements” WITHOUT BLAME.
“I feel ……. (name your feeling) when you ….. (name the behavior) ……. because ……”
| “I feel unloved when you carry on watching TV while I’m trying to talk to you because I’d really like to have some quality talk time with you.” |
Much better! Now you can negotiate any behavior change and come to an agreement.
And please don’t say things like “My partner SHOULD know by now, I don’t know why I have to keep on repeating myself!” That fact that they might not remember is not an indication of their not loving you rather an indication of their forgetfulness. Just repeat yourself as if it’s the first time.
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