Think of this for a moment. When you give a gift what are your expectations? Should that person reciprocate by giving you a gift of equal value at some stage? Or do you give gifts with no strings attached?
I am busy reading ‘The World until Yesterday’ by Jared Diamond (page 65) and came across an interesting paragraph about expectations.
“Some traditional societies negotiate explicit exchanges and both items pass hands at the same time, in other cases one party presents a gift, and the recipient thereby incurs the obligation to provide a gift of comparable value at some unspecified time in the future. The simplest form of such reciprocal gifting occurs among Andaman Islanders for whom there is little delay between the two halves of the transaction. A local group invites one or more other local groups to a feast that lasts a few days, and to which the visitors bring objects such as bows, arrow, adzes, baskets and clay. A visitor gives an object to a host, who cannot refuse the gift but is then expected to give something of equal value. If the second gift does not meet the guest’s expectations, the guest may become angry.”
Essentially gifts must be of equal value or there could be anger! Interesting thought.
Unmet expectations lead to anger and resentment
Most of us aren’t quite so explicit in our expectations. Can you just imagine a conversation like this between two friends
“I gave you a silk blouse for your birthday and all you gave me for my birthday is a box of chocolates. I’m SO angry with you.”
No, won’t happen! We’re brought up to have good manners and so the resentment festers under the surface. And we seethe because of all sorts of interpretations that we attach to the event.”Waah, my friend doesn’t really like me or else she would have spent more on my present!!”
Have NO Expectations and you’ll never be disappointed!
You’ll have a far happier life if you give gifts, whether it be material gifts, or acts of kindness, with no expectation of the gift being reciprocated. Give a gift because you want to, not because of what you expect in return. Then when a gift is reciprocated it is like the cherry on top of the cake – unexpected and delicious!
The World until Yesterday by Jared Diamond is Available from Amazon
Read another post from Collapse by Jared Diamond here.