Overcoming Depression

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Taking a leap forward!

Fearful of change? Fearful of failure? What holds you back from trying something new?

I live in South Africa and my one son lives in Taiwan.  I love visiting him and his Taiwanese family… but language is a problem! You can only get so far with smiling, nodding and thumbs up signs. So last year I decided it was time to learn Mandarin. Alan from FluentU gave these insights into learning a new language. Whether it be a new language or any other skill you’re learning, bear these tips in mind – change the way you think and embrace life!

To succeed you need to develop  what self-help gurus call a GROWTH MINDSET instead of a FIXED MINDSET. 

The FIXED MINDSET says: “Are you sure you can do it? Maybe you don’t have the talent.”
The GROWTH MINDSET says: “Maybe I can’t do it now, but I can learn to with time and effort.”

The FIXED MINDSET says: “What if you fail? You’ll be a failure.”
The GROWTH MINDSET says: “Failures pave the way to success.”

The FIXED MINDSET says: “If you don’t try, you can protect yourself and keep your dignity.”
The GROWTH MINDSET says: “If I don’t try, I fail automatically. Where’s the dignity in that?”

It can be a very humbling experience learning something new because of a fear of failure. Learn to embrace and appreciate each mistake as a precious opportunity to improve. Learning from your mistakes, rather than allowing them to cripple you, puts you on a fantastic learning curve.  Then start practicing your new skill as well as reminding yourself of your new growth mindset.

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Abu Kassem’s Slippers

Abu Kassem's slippers“In prison, lights were out by eight o’clock. We’d each tell a story. That was our entertainment. One of my cell mates, a merchant, Tawfiq – he would tell the Abu Kassem story”

This was a tale well known to children all over Africa: Abu Kassem, a miserly Baghdad merchant, has held onto his battered, much repaired pair of slippers even though they were objects of derision. At last, even he couldn’t stomach the sight of hem. But his every attempt to get rid of his slippers ended in disaster: when he tossed them out of his window they landed on the head of a pregnant woman who miscarried, and Abu Kassem was thrown in jail; when he dropped them in the canal, the slippers choked off the main drain, and caused flooding, and off Abu Kassem went to jail…

One night, when Tawfiq finished, another prisoner, a quiet, dignified old man said, “Abu Kassem might as well build a special room for his slippers. Why try to lose them? He’ll never escape.” The old man laughed , and he seemed happy when he said that. That night the old man died in his sleep.

“The following night, we couldn’t wait to talk about Abu Kassem. We all saw it the same way. the old man was right. The slippers in the story mean that everything you see and do and touch, every seed you sow, or don’t sow, becomes part of your destiny …

Later relating this to his children Ghosh sighed. I hope one day you see this as clearly as I did when I was in prison.

The key to your happiness is to own your slippers, own who you are, own how you look, own your family, own the talents you have, and own the ones you don’t. If you keep saying your slippers aren’t yours, then you’ll die searching, you’ll die bitter, always feeling you were promised more. Not only our actions, but also our omissions, become our destiny.”

(From “Cutting for Stone,” by Abraham Verghese, Vintage Books)

The key to psychological health is accepting yourself exactly for who you are. We all have good parts as well as parts that we might feel ashamed of. True freedom comes when we accept all these parts that make up who we are. Only then do we stop wasting precious time and energy pretending to be something that we are not.

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Paper Clip Test

paper clipsPaper Clip Test? Now that might sound like a strange heading on a blog related to depression. Paper clips are going to help you become aware of your negative thinking so bear with me….

Your mood is a directly linked to your thoughts. If you have negative thoughts, your mood is going to be down. If you have happy thoughts your mood is going to be more upbeat. Negative thinking and negative talk are symptoms of depression.

SO.. It’s worthwhile taking the time to examine your thoughts. Many people say their depression and anxiety has nothing to do with their thoughts, but has everything to do with the life situations they find themselves in. Stress at work, stress in relationships are to blame.

BUT these events in themselves are NOT going to cause depression and anxiety. It’s the negative thoughts that these events trigger that will be your downfall.

Try this Paper Clip Test for a day to see how negative your thoughts are:

Take a handful of paper clips (yes, they’re handy for all sorts of things) and put them in your pocket.. For every negative thought that comes into your mind, take out a paper clip and put it in another pocket. You might be surprised at how “the other pocket” fills up!Even being conscious of these clips in your pocket is going to make you more aware of your thoughts.

Becoming aware of your thoughts is a vital key in overcoming depression. Very often we’re not aware of our thoughts as they’ve gone into the unconscious. As you become sensitized to your negative thoughts, examine them and counteract them with ‘correct’, more helpful thinking.

Just keep on practicing!

Related posts: Cognitive Therapy or Change the Way you Think.
10 Faulty Thinking Patterns.

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Take your thoughts captive …

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‘For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they (our weapons) have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.’2 Corinthians 10:3

What is a stronghold?

A stronghold is any thought or behavior that controls us and no matter how hard we try we just feel helpless and unable to get the upper hand. It is a battle.

We know what God thinks about us, that He loves us with a never-ending love, that Jesus died to save us, so how can we hold onto thoughts that tell us that we’re unlovable and worthless?

But because these negative thoughts about ourselves are in our minds, we presume them to be the truth. Seldom do we wonder what God thinks about what we believe about ourselves. Maybe we should!

The weapon that we’ve been given to demolish these strongholds, these thoughts and behaviors that unmercifully take us captive, is the Holy Spirit. That is the ‘divine’ weapon that we’ve been given. Ask the Holy Spirit about your thoughts, because the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth. It is sin to hold your thoughts in higher regard to the thoughts of God.

I know this from my own depression about 18 years ago. These terrible thoughts were going through my mind and I just wanted to curl up and die. The Holy Spirit then brought to my awareness that my thoughts certainly did not line up with what God thought about me. All I could do was say sorry to God and reject those thoughts. With that I was ‘miraculously’ better and jumped out of bed with a new spring in my step. Oh, the terrible control that our thoughts can have on us!

Without realizing it I was obedient to this Bible verse. I ‘demolished’ the false belief. The verse further says that ‘we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.’

Take every thought captive

Max Lucado in his book ‘Just like Jesus’ says:

‘When a negative thought comes into your head, handcuff the thought and march it down to the Courthouse and present the thought at the judgment seat of Christ. Now imagine saying to Jesus “this thought tells me that I am worthless and unlovable, what do you think?” Jesus will tell you to give that thought marching orders, it does not line up with what Scripture says and it is a lie that comes from the enemy camp’.

Give ‘this method’ a try. I’d also love to hear about your experience.

Til next time, have a blessed week!

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Slave Mentality – from ‘Kathie’ by Dora Taylor

I’ve just finished reading “Kathie”, by Dora Taylor. It’s a fascinating story of life in the 1950’s for the ‘colored’ people of South Africa. Taylor explores slave mentality and the dilemmas of racial identity in a country where superiority or inferiority lay in the degree of skin pigmentation. I found this book enthralling and definitely very worthwhile reading for anyone interested in knowing more about what life was like under apartheid.

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Clicking on the book image will take you to Amazon.

Slave Mentality

In the book “Kathie”, the author makes reference to ‘slave mentality‘. Nowadays many people are slaves on a psychological level. Think about it. What are you a slave to? What’s holding you back from a life unfettered by chains and enjoying a life of freedom?

slave mentality

Who is your master? Could it be alcohol, drug or sex addictions? What about the way you think? Low self-esteem, fear of what others might think, a victim mentality, depressed thinking? Any of these can keep a person in chains, preventing a life of freedom. Let’s not forget attitudes like resentment and a lack of forgiveness – these can also hold one in chains.

As you read this excellent extract from the book “Kathie” think about the things that keep you in chains.

‘Beware of slave mentality,’ said Ndwana. ‘It is a cunning sickness. We may  have it without knowing we have it.’

‘How may we diagnose it?’ 

‘That is a good question,’ answered Ndwana. ‘He who has the mind of a slave accepts the existing order of things as unchanging and unchangeable, because his master has told him it is so. He does not question it; still less does he try to change it. When he is kicked he cringes; he fawns on the hand that smites him. He begs for crumbs for himself, but not his brother; he slinks into a corner to lick his own wounds, but does not see the wounds of his brother; bullied by his master, he bullies those who are even more unfortunate than himself. Robbed of will and reason, he becomes stupid and hardened of feelings for others. He loses the very power to think of himself as a man.’

‘It is a grim picture,’

…..’Stupid lies masquerade as the truth. And you yourselves believe them….’ (Taylor 2008:333)

We act on whatever we believe to be the truth, even stupid lies that seem like the truth. The only way to break free is to see the lies for what they are and expose these lies to the light of truth.

John 8:32 “…Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

“Kathie” by Dora Taylor is available from Amazon.

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