Overcoming Depression

  • Home
  • Start here
  • Depression
    • Depression Symptoms
    • Depression: a Physical Illness?
    • Cognitive Therapy
    • Mood Analysis
    • Faulty Thinking Patterns
    • Postoperative Depression
    • Teenage Depression and Suicide
    • Achieving Good Self-Esteem
    • Get Rid of Guilt
    • Book Reviews
  • Anxiety
    • Types of Anxiety Disorders
    • First Aid for Panic Attacks
    • Tips for Overcoming Anxiety
    • Myths about Panic Attacks
    • Anxiety Relaxation Technique
    • Anxiety and love
    • Locus of Control
  • Stress
    • Stressed out?
    • Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale
    • Stress Relief Activities
    • Stress and Pregnancy
    • Stress Hives
    • Tips to Beat Exam Stress
    • Reduce Work Related Stress
    • How to cope when you’re looking for work
    • Winning when you lose
    • Crises of Adult Life
  • Alcohol Abuse
    • Codependent Checklist
    • Marriage and alcohol
    • Stress and Alcohol
  • Relationships
    • 5 Tips for Restoring a hurting marriage
    • Signs of an Abusive Relationship
    • Our Birth Family
    • 6 Common Human Needs!
    • 5 Stages of Grief
      • Helping a grieving friend
    • Overcoming Loneliness
    • Successfully deal with anger and criticism
  • Trauma
    • Trauma Survivor
    • Blaming the Victim
  • About Me
    • Contact Me
  • Blog

February 5, 2015 by Karin Stewart 1 Comment

The real definition of relapse and why it matters

Drug and alcohol addiction is often a concurrent problem with depression. Many times drugs and alcohol are used as self-medication for depression. These might seem to help but when the addiction sets in its another story. To successfully treat depression any addictions, that started off as a coping mechanism, need to be faced.

lapse-or-relapse

Laura, who has battled drug and alcohol addiction throughout her adult life, contacted me asking me to share a link with you about relapse and why it matters. Laura, thank you for being so open and I’m sure that many readers can identify with you in their own struggles.

This is what Laura wrote:

‘My name is Laura, I work as a writer and editor. As someone who has battled drug and alcohol addiction throughout my adult life, I’ve always been ashamed to be open and admit it, but since I’ve been receiving treatment I’ve decided to talk more freely about my issues.

Nobody really likes to speak about it, but relapses can and do happen and it’s a major factor on the road to recovery from any sort of addiction. I know from my own recent past it’s often been two steps forward and one step back. I’ve recently been lucky enough to help edit this great article on how to define relapses. It’s important anyone with an addiction knows that it’s not necessarily the end of the world.”

You can read the article here.

 

Filed Under: addiction, Alcohol, Blog

December 21, 2014 by Karin Stewart 2 Comments

The old farmer and his horse

blessing-or-bane If you are feeling depressed or feel that your circumstances have got too much for you, take inspiration from this ancient Chinese story about an old farmer whose only horse ran away.

Knowing that the horse was the mainstay of his livelihood, his neighbors came to commiserate with him. “Who knows what’s bad or good?” said the old man, refusing their sympathy. And indeed a few days later his horse returned, bringing with it a wild horse. The old man’s friends came to congratulate him. Rejecting their congratulations, the old man said, “Who knows what’s bad or good?”

And, as it happened, a few days later when the old man’s son was attempting to ride the wild horse, he was thrown from it and his leg was broken. The friends came to express their sadness about about the son’s misfortune. “Who knows what’s bad or good?” said the old man. A few weeks passed, and the army came to the village to conscript all the able-bodies men to fight a war against the neighboring province, but the old man’s son was not fit to serve and was spared.

Can you relate this to your own life?

I know several people who were retrenched from their jobs. At the time it seemed like a total disaster. However life carries on and with hindsight they could look back and see that it was that disastrous experience that pushed them in another direction where they were much happier and more successful. I suppose the most important point is not to let yourself get stuck – you have to keep on moving forward, keeping your eyes and ears open to new possibilities to follow. For myself, I’m actually grateful for having had depression. It was terrible at the time, and I certainly wouldn’t want to go through that hell again or wish it upon anyone else. BUT… it grew me as a person, and pushed me into learning all the knowledge I needed for recovery and which I share with you here on my website.

I would love to hear some comments from you. Have you had an experience that, although seemed disastrous at the time, pushed you in a direction of greater satisfaction? Please share in the comments section. Go here to Start your journey of recovery.

Filed Under: Blog, Thinking Tagged With: chinese tale

January 12, 2014 by Karin Stewart Leave a Comment

Love your Inner Child

chinoI came across this amazing series of photos, “Imagine Finding Me” by the Japanese London – based photographer Chino Otsuka. With incredible skill she digitally inserts herself into old photos, so that she is standing next to her younger self.

The images got me thinking about “the inner child” ...

We were all children, that’s a no-brainer but what most of us are not aware of is that we still have that child living within us.  Whenever you think, feel or behave in a way you did when you were a child, it is your inner child that is acting out. A lack of awareness of your inner child will leave you wondering where so many of your behavioral, emotional and relationship difficulties stem from. Usually they can be traced back to your “inner child” acting out.

Ask yourself…

You’re an adult, but have you really grown up?
Is your unconscious inner child, the emotionally wounded, hurting child, controlling or influencing your adult life, trying to make your adult decisions?

For many it is a hurt, fearful angry little boy or girl (in an adult body) who is making adult decisions.  No wonder our relationships go wrong, and then we feel anxious, insecure and inferior, all the feelings we had as little children when we did something “wrong”.

Can you recognize behavior or reactions that you don’t like, that could possibly stem from an inner child deciding how you should react? What about temper tantrums, sulking or plain irrational behavior. These behaviors might be appropriate for a child, but they’re definitely not appropriate for an adult -your inner child is acting out and having control!

Action Plan

1. Become conscious of your inner child. learn to recognize when the inner child is directing how you behave.
2. You have two ways of reacting to your inner child.

Hate: You can get cross with yourself, with your inner child, just as your parent did to you when you were little and did something wrong. Isn’t it true that we so often hear the reprimands of our parents in our minds. You can carry on hating and blaming your inner child for all your  ills and remain a helpless victim. You can futilely attempt to force others into fulfilling your infantile needs, but this is also doomed to failure.

Love: It is only through loving your inner child that this child will ‘grow up’. Take your inner child seriously, consciously communicate with that little girl or boy within. Listen to how they feel and what they need. Unfortunately for most of us, certain infantile needs were, maliciously or not, unmet by our imperfect parents and they never will be.  A child grows up when it receives proper parental supervision, protection and support. But the only parent who can now do this is YOU, the Adult you.

Visualization: When the inner child reacts badly, reassure your inner child. Close your eyes and visualize yourself holding hands with a little version of yourself. Call that child “Little  ….. (insert your name)” and talk to that child in a loving non-judgemental way eg. “Little John. it’s okay you were trying your best, it didn’t quite work out, but don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you and together we will try again next time… we’ll keep practicing, til together, we get it right….)

The process of healing is a journey and not a quick fix and I wish you well on your recovery. If you want to ask me any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask something in the coment box.

For more on the inner child click here.

To see more of the amazing pictures of the adult Chino Otsuka inserted into the childhood photos of herself click here

Filed Under: Blog, Relationships Tagged With: Anger, approval, be creative, Chino Otsuka, inner child

January 4, 2014 by Karin Stewart Leave a Comment

Editing your life’s story for a happier ending – Lulu Miller

It was a rainy night in October when my nephew Lewis passed the Frankenstein statue standing in front of a toy store. The 2 1/2-year-old boy didn’t see the monster at first, and when he turned around, he was only inches from Frankenstein’s green face, bloodshot eyes and stitched-up skin.

The power of the pencil: Writing about a troubling event in the past can help recast it in a more positive way.

Daniel Horowitz for NPR

The 4-foot-tall monster terrified my nephew so much that he ran deep into the toy store. And on the way back out, he simply couldn’t face the statue. He jumped into his mother’s arms and had to bury his head in her shoulder.

For hours after the incident, Lewis was stuck. He kept replaying the image of Frankenstein’s face in his mind. “Mom, remember Frankenstein?” he asked over and over again. He and his mom talked about how scary the statue was, how Lewis had to jump into her arms. It was “like a record loop,” my sister said.

But then, suddenly, Lewis’ story completely changed … Read More…

Filed Under: Blog, Thinking

December 15, 2013 by Karin Stewart Leave a Comment

Nelson Mandela (1918 – 2013)

nelsonmandela
Nelson Rolihlala Mandela

I spent much of this week watching TV on the life of our beloved Nelson Mandela. What an extraordinary man we had as our President who brought about democracy in South Africa. Humility, forgiveness, empathy and love are some of the many lessons that we can learn from this man who spent 27 years in jail and emerged as a world leader.

When I counsel I often advise people to look at themselves as an actor in their lives. The script for your life is not set in stone. You can change the script! Look at your behavior and weigh up whether the consequences are what you would like. If not… then change the script.

So I was interested to read something along these lines in an obituary written by Mark Gevisser in the Mail and Guardian (December 6-12 2013, page 4).

In prison, Mandela had time away from the spotlight he had time to think about life. Mandela “learned about human sensitivities and how to handle the fears and insecurities of others, including his Afrikaner warders. He was sensitized by his own sense of guilt about the family and friends he had used during his political career. Mandela was racked by remorse about his absence as a husband and a father. By coming to see himself as an actor – a perpetrator, if you like – as well as a victim, he developed his most admirable quality: a capacity for empathy.”

He used this ability to empathize as a strategy to get what he wanted – for himself while in prison, for his people, and for his country. Empathy is the ability to ‘walk in another person’s shoes’ and so even the prison guards were won over. And to empathize you have to be a good listener, which he was, making people feel at ease.

This ability to empathize was the root of his almost inhuman lack of bitterness and forgiveness as well as his desire for reconciliation. Bitterness which leads to anger and a lack of forgiveness would have resulted in a different couse of events in South Africa’s history. Even where goodness wasn’t evident in others, his attitude and respect to others, that is,  his empathy, elicited the goodness he knew was embodied in every person.

He used his humor to help other relax or to disarm them or both, depending on the circumstance. He did not take a step – or do a jig – without calculating the odds. For the Rugby World Cup in 1995, Mandela insisted on keeping the Springbok emblem, which was strongly associated with the white oppressors. Mandela’s bigger purpose was reconcilation and it worked, the white people of South Africa were won over by his action. Mandela thought about the consequences of his actions. He certainly was a leading actor on the world stage.

So often we get bogged down by the small details of our lives, filling them with bitterness and unforgiveness, which ultimately affect how we behave. In Mandela we have a role model who experienced the worst that life could deliver, but his attitude to life and to others meant he reached great heights.

Lessons we can learn

  • Believe that there is good in all people. Even when people appear to be trying to do you harm (like Mandela’s captors) still believe that there is good within them, a goodness that needs to be coaxed out. Empathy is what makes people feel loved and understood. Try to understand others before you try to get them to understand you.
  • Listen well and forgive. Forgiveness is for your own sake as without forgiveness, bitterness takes root which is so destructive to the human spirit.
  • Weigh the consequences of your actions. There is the well known saying “If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.” WRONG ADVICE! Change that to: “If at first you don’t succeed, reevaluate what you are doing, form another strategy and then try again.”

Hamba kahle, Tata – Go well, Father!

For excellent advice on learning how to deal with anger by using empathy please click here.

 

Filed Under: Blog, Relationships, Success Tagged With: Nelson Mandela

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • Next Page »

Recent Posts

  • Psychological withdrawal for addicts
  • Need to be needed
  • Why You Can’t Rescue an Addict
  • Your words have power
  • Taking a leap forward!

Like Me on Facebook

Facebook

Categories

  • addiction
  • Alcohol
  • Anger
  • Anxiety
  • Approval
  • Attitude
  • Bible
  • Blog
  • Book Review
  • Depression
  • Perfectionism
  • Relationships
  • slider
  • Stress
  • Success
  • Thinking
  • Uncategorized
  • Work

Tags

Abraham Lincoln addiction alcohol Andrew Verster Anger anxiety approval be creative be yourself Bill Clinton change your thinking cognitive therapy depression Dora Taylor drugs encouragement fight or flight forgiveness friends funny George Bernard Shaw guilt honesty hope interference J.K. Rowling Jared Diamond Collapse Joaquin Phoenix John Gurdon Joy Laurence Olivier life with purpose love nagging perfectionism perseverance poetry self-esteem shyness stress success trauma try again women workaholic

Comments

  • tony deyn on Facing your giants
  • Veronica Frances Watkins on The real definition of relapse and why it matters
  • Roger Johanson on The old farmer and his horse
  • Veronica Frances Watkins on The old farmer and his horse
  • Karin Stewart on Victims attract Rescuers

Archives

Categories

Latest blog posts

  • Psychological withdrawal for addicts
  • Need to be needed
  • Why You Can’t Rescue an Addict
  • Your words have power
  • Taking a leap forward!
  • Nagging your partner really doesn’t help!
  • The real definition of relapse and why it matters
  • The old farmer and his horse

Feeling Good By David Burns

This is the greatest 'value for money' self-help book ever. It changed my life forever and it can change yours! Available from Amazon David Burns

Need help for anxiety?

L- Theanine available from Amazon.coml-theanine image

Copyright © 2021 · Executive Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.Accept