The mind is never quiet and there are these chattering voices with their non-stop monologue playing all the time.Do you recognize the ‘best friend voice’ in your head? How about that ‘worst enemy voice’? Which one seems to get the most time to talk?
List some of the negative messages your ‘worst enemy’ in your head sends you.
- You can’t do this. You’re too stupid.
- You’re not good enough.
- Butterfingers! You’re so clumsy!
- You’re just like Uncle Ken (implying his negative qualities)
Perfectionism and workaholism are two of the worst enemy voices.
Perfectionism focuses on the negative and keeps criticizing you for your failures – what you should or shouldn’t have done. The problem is that you believe this voice to be true which, by the way, it isn’t!
The workaholism voice keeps telling you to work harder, keep busy so you don’t have the time to listen to those negative voices. Taking this route doesn’t get rid of the voices.
THE SOURCE OF THESE NEGATIVE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD
These negative voices started when you were a child. Can you think of negative comments made to you as a child, maybe about your looks, maybe about your abilities. Give it some thought and write them down.
These could have developed into belief systems that continue to direct your life. Just because these voices come from within your head doesn’t necessarily mean they reflect ‘the truth’.
The story of Mark
Mark’s father was a perfectionist so Mark grew up never believing that he was good enough, nothing he did was ever perfect enough to please Dad. In fact, Dad even went so far as to tell Mark that he would never get anywhere in life. This message was internalized and whatever he tried, whatever work he did, this worst enemy voice in his head kept telling him that ‘he would never get anywhere in life’. Trouble is we make our beliefs come true. Mark never held down a job for long and was constantly depressed because he believed this ‘worst enemy voice’ to be the truth.
INCREASING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
Visualize the results you want
Just imagine that you are going to give a work presentation.
What mental picture gets conjured up? Success or failure?
How does this make you feel?
What thoughts come to mind?
The worst enemy voice
If you listen to the worst enemy voice inside your head, you might imagine yourself
- dropping all your papers
- stumbling over your words
- feeling uncomfortable, unhappy, stressed out.
You then give your unconscious mind permission to influence how you do the presentation.
The best friend voice
However if you listen to the best friend voice in your head, the visualization could lead to success. Visualize yourself
- holding your papers comfortably
- speaking clearly and projecting your voice well
- feeling happy, comfortable and in control of the presentation.
VISUALLY FRAME EACH DAY TO GET THE RESULTS YOU WANT
|FRAME: The ‘worst enemy voice ‘day||FRAME: The ‘best friend voice’ day|
|What you tell yourself||Today is going to be awful – I’ve got that report to do||As soon as I complete that report I can move on, do something enjoyable|
|How you act||Procrastination||Productive use of time|
|How others react to you||Your negative, complaining attitude gets a similar response from your friends||Your upbeat, positive attitude gets a similar response|
If your ‘worst enemy voice’ starts arguing, don’t listen it – it’s lying! Let your inner ‘best friend voice’ talk back to the enemy. Forgive the people from the past who fed that worst enemy voice as you were growing up. Forgiving them, diminishes their power over you and allows you to move on.
Never, ever forget that you are an extremely precious person. Just being born into this world makes you precious, no matter what the enemy voice would like to tell you!