Seeking Approval

The Seal of Approval!

We all have a need for approval and love, there’s no arguing that. But when this need for approval from other people controls everything we say or do, there’s a problem. This need for approval can rob one of the joy of living a full life.

The Need for Approval

If you are constantly evaluating yourself through the eyes of others, seeking out approval, you will be very vulnerable to anxiety and depression.You’ll also ‘walk on eggshells’ trying to do what you believe others expect of you, rather than living your life authentically. Be careful as a person with an excessive need for approval can be easily manipulated because of an overwhelming need to avoid conflict. Learn a healthy way of dealing with criticism otherwise it can be the trigger that sends you down the spiral into depression, as well as leaving you feeling extremely anxious.

  • Anxiety can have its roots in the belief that you have no right to express your feelings your needs or your opinions. There is a great underlying fear of disapproval. When you get this type of anxious feeling reassure yourself that you have the right to express your needs and opinions. This often happens in a marriage relationship. Just remember that if your partner ends up in a bad mood because you’ve expressed your needs, that’s their problem, not yours. Don’t let yourself be cowered into being manipulated.
  • Learn to say no! If you can’t say no, then you’re a people pleaser, with an excessive need for approval. ‘People won’t like me if I don’t do what they say’ is a common thought, and shows a fear of rejection. Start practicing saying ‘no’ and you might be surprised to see that people still like you! When someone asks you to do something, it might be too big a first step, to say an outright NO. Just reply ‘Thank you for asking me, let me give it some thought and I’ll get back to you’. The decision then becomes yours, because you want to and not because you’re feeling manipulated.
  • Practice verbalizing your needs A fear of disapproval can also make a person fearful of expressing their needs. The result? The expectation that a person, particularly a spouse will ‘mind-read’ your needs! Impossible. Even if you expect your partner to ‘know’ your needs, accept that people are very forgetful (part of being human) and just express them again, in a nice way!


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