If you’re shy you’ll know that dreadful feeling of fear walking into a room full of people. That painfully self-conscious thought that everyone is looking at you and that you’re the only shy person in the room! I love this quote by Olin Miller.
“We probably wouldn’t worry about what people think about us if we knew how seldom they do.”
But a shy person will creep into a room desperately hoping nobody will notice them. And they probably won’t be noticed because generally people are so busy thinking about themselves to even notice! Take a moment to think about what I am going to say next. Shyness can be a ‘symptom’ of focusing too much attention on yourself. You worry about how you are going to come across, fear that you are going to say something silly, fear that you will be judged or seen in a bad light. The immediate response of a shy person is to vehemently disagree, but give it some thought.
When I was younger I was very shy, as I didn’t want to say the wrong thing or be seen as ‘stupid’. That changed when I decided that the only ‘stupid’ thing was my thinking!
A Few Simple Tips
- Take the focus off yourself and onto the person you’re with. Concentrate on finding out more about them, and making them feel relaxed – let that be your mission! Just presume they have these same shyness fears and your goal is to put them at ease.
- Your initial conversation doesn’t have to be heavy or highly intellectual. Talk about anything, even talking about the weather is absolutely fine. All you really want to communicate is that you are interested in connecting with the other person.
- Keep up to date with current affairs and the news because this can always be a starting point for conversation.
The exact same advice applies to a person overcoming depression. Take the focus off your depression and focus on the person you’re with, what is happening in their life. Doing this will open doors of friendship for both a shy person as well as a depressed person.
Have fun practicing some new habits!