Are you your own worst enemy?
What we think or believe affects the way we live our lives. See if any of these common self-defeating attitudes and fears apply to you. Try to work out how these attitudes just make your life a misery. Do any of these give you a light-bulb experience “that’s me!!” . If so, take note of the thought, check it out with others and really examine why this attitude might just cause you misery in the long run, why it might not be worth holding onto.
Self- defeating Attitudes and Fears
- It would be terrible to be rejected, abandoned, or alone. I must have love and approval before I can feel good about myself.
- If a person criticizes me, it means there’s something wrong with me.
- I must always please people and live up to everyone’s expectations.
- I am basically defective and inferior to others.
- Other people are to blame for my problems.
- The world should always be the way I want it to be.
- Other people should always meet my expectations.
- If I worry or feel bad about a situation, it will somehow make things better. It’s not really safe to feel happy and optimistic.I’m hopeless and bound to feel depressed forever because the problems in my life are impossible to solve.
- I must always try to be perfect.That’s the only way to be happy.
Actually Perfectionism can make a person very unhappy!
Can you recognize yourself in this list?
Moralistic perfectionism: I must not forgive myself if I have fallen short of any goal or personal standard.
Performance perfectionism: To be a worthwhile person, I must be a great success at everything I do.
Identity perfectionism: People will never accept me as an imperfect vulnerable human being.
Emotional perfectionism: I must control my negative emotions and never feel anxious or depressed.I must always try to be happy.
Romantic perfectionism: I must find a perfect partner and always feel infatuated with him or her.
Relationship perfectionism: People who love each other should never fight or feel angry with each other.
Appearance perfectionism: I look ugly because I’m slightly overweight (or have heavy thighs or a facial blemish).
Recognize yourself in any of these? I know I do!
- does it benefit me to hold onto this particular belief?
- Is this belief really true and helpful?
- What steps can I take that will allow me to rid myself of self-defeating attitudes and unrealistic and replace them with others that are more objective and more uplifting?