Spiritual Aspects

Biblical References to Thoughts

Become aware of your thought life.

Proverbs 4:23 (Phillips version) says: “Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life”. We don”t really have control over the thoughts that pop into our heads but we do have control over what we do with the thoughts, which ones we allow to run our lives.

Our thoughts do not line up with God”s thoughts.

In Isaiah 55:8&9 The Lord declares, “my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways, as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts”. Maybe our thoughts don”t always line up with the truth.

Do we believe lies to be the truth?

Jeremiah 17:9 says “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” When we are deceived we believe a lie to be the truth. The heart is often referred to in the Bible as the seat of the emotions. God is saying to us `don”t presume what you are thinking is the truth, I am the truth, check it out with Me.”

What can we do to line our thoughts up with those of God?

2 Corinthians 10:5 says “we are to take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

How do we make our thoughts obedient to Christ?

We have to know the Word of God. Hebrews 4:12 says “For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Ask the Holy Spirit to help you judge your thoughts and attitudes.

I read a wonderful illustration of this Scripture in a book by Max Lucado. I think the book was called “Just like Jesus”. Please let me know if you have the reference to this illustration. When a negative thought comes into your head, handcuff the thought and march it down to the Courthouse and present the thought at the judgment seat of Christ. Now imagine saying to Jesus “this thought tells me that I am worthless and unlovable to Jesus, what do you think?” Jesus will tell you to give that thought marching orders, it does not line up with what Scripture says and it is a lie that comes from the enemy camp.

How do you know if your thoughts are becoming more Christ-like?

John 8:32 says “if you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

What does this freedom feel like?

In John 14:27 Jesus says “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” When I am examining my thoughts, I use the degree of peace I have as a gauge as to the truth of my thoughts. If a particular thought gives me peace, I settle for that one.

Battleground of the Mind

As Christians we know our final destiny, we are on our way to heaven if we have accepted Jesus as our Lord and Saviour. So Satan has no hold over where we spend our eternity but he does want us to be ineffective here on earth. We are the hands and feet of Jesus on this earth and if he can make us ineffective in this role he is happy. Satan cannot read our minds but he knows our weaknesses and will subtly drop thoughts that are lies into our minds that we believe to be the truth. We would not believe blatant lies, but they are subtle and we believe them and act on them.

Ephesians 6:12 says “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm.”

There is a spiritual battle on the go. Acknowledge that Satan, who is the Father of all lies, wants you to believe that you are worthless. He drops in these thoughts of you being worthless etc. These thoughts do not come from our loving heavenly Father. Satan gains power when you believe the lie of being worthless, as you will act accordingly.

Peter 5:8 says “Be self-controlled, and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith.”
A lion always targets the weak in a herd because the weak are easy prey. Likewise Satan knows our weaknesses and he is looking for easy prey. “Stand firm in the faith” – Keep connected to other Christians, studying the Word so that you learn the truth.

2 Corinthians 10:3 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Our weapons are the Word of God and this is why it is so important to know the Word of God and to know Scripture as this contains the Truth. Holding your own thoughts in higher regard to that of God is “a pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God” and is a sin.

Romans 12:2 says “do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

In other words replace the thinking that the world has given you to what scripture says. You renew your mind with scripture, with what God says. If what you believe does not line up with the Word of God you are believing a lie and the only way of knowing what lines up with the Word is studying what it says in the Word. When you believe that you are unlovable just remember whose description of yourself you believe. It is a lie and does not come from our heavenly Father. You won”t find that kind of description of yourself in the Bible. When someone doesn”t like you brush it off with the knowledge of how important you are to God and how deeply he loves you.

I can”t emphasize enough how important it is to believe scripture and fill your mind with scripture as it is with the Word of God that you ward off the enemy”s darts. Write out scripture verses and stick them around your house until they become part of your thinking. If you are bombarded with negative thoughts, get yourself a Walkman and listen to upbeat choruses that contain the Word of God. It”s often better to hear these than some of your own thoughts!

God wants you to have the freedom that He can give and He can use all situations for our good. In Luke 22:31 Jesus said to Peter “Simon Simon, Satan has asked to sift you like wheat. But I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

This verse had personal significance for me because I knew that if my loving Heavenly Father was allowing me to go through this process of being sifted, it must be for the purpose of having something better in the end – He did. When I had “turned back” I did “strengthen my brothers” through “overcoming depression” groups that I ran. We are often able to help others through what we have learnt in our own difficult times.

Also, always remember how much God loves you. You are in the palm of His hand. Isaiah 43:1-3 reads “Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour. You are precious and honoured in my sight.”

I find it quite awesome that the creator of the universe cares for each one of us, cares for all the details of our loves and that He knows you and me by name.

May God bless you and the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth be your guide on your journey!

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Psychological Aspects

Cognitive Therapy

Cognitive therapy is acknowledged as the most successful treatment for depression. The word cognitive means ‘thoughts’ so cognitive therapy basically means therapy of your thoughts, or more simply put, changing the way you think.
The therapy is based on the following premises:

• It is not the event that causes our negative emotions but rather the personal meaning that we associate with the event.
• While ill with depression thoughts are negative and are not in touch with reality.

So the therapy involves examining our thoughts and replacing them with more appropriate thoughts that are based in reality. Our thoughts determine how we feel. Change your thoughts and your mood changes. If you think of something pleasant, your mood is happy, if you think of something unpleasant your mood goes down. Your feelings follow on from your thoughts, which in turn affect how you behave.

Behavior, Emotions and Thoughts Connected

• Behaviour (above the dotted line) is visible to all.
• Emotions are on the dotted line, which is like a water line. Sometimes your emotions are above the surface, visible to all as in a temper tantrum. They might be under the surface and not visible to anyone else as happens in people who have suppressed all their emotions.
• Thoughts are definitely not visible to anyone else (thank goodness!), and are definitely under the surface. Often we are not too aware of our own thoughts.

Our thoughts determine our emotions which in turn determine our behaviour. This is the order, not the other way round. As I said we are often not aware of our thoughts and this is why getting in touch with our emotions (our warning system) is so important. Our emotions are the key to unlocking our thoughts. How we do this is dealt with in Changing your thoughts – step by step.

Emotions

Damaged Emotions

Emotions are the key to our thoughts but this key is often damaged. How often do you hear people criticizing their emotions with comments like ‘I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but..’ Many people criticize their emotions and I think this is a carry over from parents criticizing their emotions as children with comments like ‘you’re oversensitive, nice children don’t get angry etc’ Maybe thoughts are coming to mind about comments that damaged your emotions. This is good because you can examine whether they are true or not, and asking yourself if it is worth holding on to these beliefs? Emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are. Don’t judge yourself by saying that you shouldn’t have these emotions. Sometimes people will say that it is wrong to feel anger. You can see that even people’s thoughts about emotions do not represent the truth, as even anger serves a purpose. The emotion is not wrong; it’s what you do with the emotion that can be wrong.

Emotions are God-given, we didn’t invent them and they are given to us for a reason. Our emotions are there to let us know on a moment- to moment basis if our belief systems and thoughts represent the truth.

Many people say that they only really started to feel again during a depressive episode and are quite surprised at the intensity of these emotions. If this applies to you it is good because you are now getting in touch with emotions that have been denied or buried for a long time. As emotions serve a purpose and it is better to feel than not to feel. If you placed your hand on a hot stove and had no feelings you would get burnt. Be thankful for your feelings, your emotions. Maybe they are like friends you are now getting acquainted with. As an aside, don’t criticize your children’s or your spouse’s emotions, you’re damaging a God-given warning system.

Another point worth remembering is that the greater the emotion the more important it is to examine what it going on.

Changing your emotions – Scripture

In Scripture, the heart is often referred to as the seat of the emotions. There are many choruses that we sing asking God to change our hearts (change our emotions?) Psalm 51:10 says: Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. We sing. Refine my heart, o Lord, Let me be as gold, pure gold.

Maybe you want to pray the end of Psalm 139: Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. If you pray this prayer, expect God to answer you, and when you have a negative emotion, ask God to show you what He wants to show you and let the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth guide you.

Commit the process to God and co-operate with God as He shows you what needs changing. James 2:17 Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. We’ve got some work to do. James 1:12 says: Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. Hang in there, there’s a crown waiting for you for your perseverance. Remember the verse that says that if God is for you who can be against you.

Thoughts

Self-talk

Our minds are never silent. There is a constant stream of images and thoughts running through our heads. This is known as our self-talk and directs how we respond to situations. The thoughts that come into our heads come in automatically, we cannot control them. We presume them to be the truth and usually act on them as if they represented the truth.
Let me give you an example.
Suppose your child walks home from school and she is late. As time goes by you get more and more worried and you find yourself thinking thoughts along these lines. ‘Something terrible has happened. She’s been hurt. Or kidnapped.’ Panic and anxiety set in. After a while your child comes home and tells you she had to stay in for detention, a fact that you had forgotten. All the anxiety was for nothing, as your thoughts were not based in reality.
If you are prone to this sort of anxiety you might even be aware that your thoughts have no real basis but you tell yourself that you can’t help it, you’re just an anxious sort of person. The truth is that you cannot help the thoughts that come into your head, but you do have a choice of believing them or not and replacing them with a thought that is more based in reality.

We don’t want to have those kinds of thoughts, nor do we purposely think them. They just come into our heads uninvited, completely by themselves, and that is why they are described as automatic. Many of our thoughts are not based on fact and painful thoughts often do not represent the truth. Don’t criticize yourself for your thoughts, even if you do think they are ridiculous. You can’t really control them, but you can decide what to do with them when they surface. Often we make ourselves miserable and keep ourselves miserable by listening to a non-stop stream of inner nonsense – even when we know well that the nonsense is not the truth.

Hearing our thoughts or self-talk

In order to change our thoughts or self-talk we need to learn to hear them first. Thoughts are a bit like the white noise of a fan. The noise is always there but you are not aware of it after a while. I live on a busy road and I don’t hear the noise of passing cars, whereas an upcountry visitor would remark on the noise. Only then do I hear it because it has been brought to my awareness. Thoughts are much the same; we need to bring them to our awareness.

Everything we do is motivated by a thought or a belief. You’ve read this far on this website probably because your thoughts tell you that you could learn something from it. If you didn’t think this you probably would have exited a long time ago. When you sit on a chair, you have the unconscious thought that it will support you. You drive to work with the thought that your car will get you there safely. These thoughts are automatic and often out of our awareness. It would be quite stressful to have to think through everything we did so it is helpful that our thoughts do become automatic. Imagine going to your car in the morning, looking at it and wondering if it is safe or not to drive! However if our thoughts are causing depression and anxiety we need to look under the surface and examine the validity of what we are thinking because it is our thoughts that cause our moods which in turn affect the way we behave.

Proverbs 4:23 (Phillips version) says: Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.

Change your thoughts and your mood and behaviour will change. If you are thinking that you cannot change the way you think let me give you an example I used earlier to illustrate my point. In my country (South Africa) we drive on the left hand side of the road. I follow this rule as I believe, or my thought is that this is the safe way to drive (my behaviour follows my thoughts). If I were to drive in the USA I would soon have to rethink my thoughts on what side of the road is safe if I value my life.

Many of us hang on to thoughts that affect us so badly and handicap us as much as driving down the wrong side of the highway could. Learn to discard thoughts that handicap you.

Faulty Thinking Patterns (cognitive distortions).

Please print out this list as it will be constantly referred to and it is important that you learn to recognize these types of thinking which are the most common types of thinking that cause depression and anxiety.

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking: You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
2. Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Mental Filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolours the entire beaker of water.
4. Disqualifying the Positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they `don’t count” for some reason or another. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
5. Jumping to Conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.

1. Mind Reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out.
2. Fortune Telling: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already established fact.

1. Magnification (Catastrophizing) or Minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else’s achievement) or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other person’s imperfections). This is also called the `binocular effect’.
2. Emotional Reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: `I feel it, therefore it must be true’.
3. Should Statements: You try to motivate yourself with `shoulds and shouldn’ts’, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. `Musts’ and `oughts’ are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct `should’ statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration and resentment.
4. Labeling and Mislabeling: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: `I’m a loser’. When someone else’s behaviour rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him: `He’s a jerk’. Mislabelling involves describing an event with language that is highly coloured and emotionally loaded.
5. Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event, which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.

Reference: Burns, David D.(1981) Feeling good, the new mood therapy. Penguin Books, USA (pages 40,41) ISBN 0-451-16776-7
I found this book to be extremely helpful. It is probably no longer in print and has been replaced by The Feeling Good Handbook, Penguin Books (ISBN 0-452-26174) written by the same author. I have read several books by David Burns and have found them to be excellent.

COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS: a more detailed explanation.

All or nothing thinking ( also known as black and white thinking)

• Sue thought she had done pretty well on her history test. She thought she might get an A or a B. Instead, she got a D. As she looked at the paper, she thought, “I’m a total failure. I’m so stupid. I never do anything right! I work so hard in school and still nothing seems to work out right for me.” There are quite a few distortions in this thinking including all or nothing thinking, overgeneralization, as well as blowing things out of all proportion (magnification).
• What about the common statement, ‘if you can’t do things perfectly don’t do it at all’. This is also a case of all or nothing thinking and robs you of learning from the mistakes we all make and which teach us lessons.
• Your house has the normal everyday clutter and you label yourself as a failure as a housekeeper because your house isn’t perfectly tidy. A normal house is somewhere in between. If you label yourself as a failure if your housekeeping is not perfect you’ll also be quite a pain to live with, always nagging your spouse to put things away. If your spouse is not tidy agree to have some areas that are kept respectable and others where it is acceptable for them to have their mess. Tidiness doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing.
• What about the thought `if you can’t say anything intelligent don’t say anything at all.’ It’s quite a high demand to make sure that everything you say is intelligent so you keep quiet, then people will never know how stupid you are! This thought is also ridiculous as much as our conversation is just ordinary chatter just to connect with other people. Relax a bit. You can remain a silent captive or change your belief and practice at becoming more spontaneous which will probably open up the possibility of more friendships and give you more joy.

Overgeneralization

The key words here are ‘always, never, nobody, everybody, totally, completely, forever, every time’. When you overgeneralize you see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

• If you are arguing with your spouse it doesn’t help to say you never listen to me, or you always come home late. Because you will start arguing about whether it is actually always or never. The important issue is actually how it makes you feel. So a statement like I feel unloved when you come home late so often, or when you don’t phone and tell me. You can state how you feel as this does not come across as an accusation.
• Your spouse criticizes or starts arguing with you. You get an emotional reaction inside but you keep smiling and try to keep the peace at all costs because you have a false belief that happy couples never disagree. You have to behave in a way to keep the peace so that you keep your basic belief intact. This is so unrealistic as no two people can always agree. To keep this belief intact any dissatisfaction or hurt has to be suppressed. Eventually the pressure cooker will burst and the result can be very hurtful and messy. The truth is that we all have different opinions and it’s okay. It’s only an opinion, not a reflection on us. If your spouse doesn’t agree with you it doesn’t mean that he is right and that you are wrong. It means that you have different opinions and you are entitled to your own opinions. When you get that negative thump on your chest and you say, I always say the wrong thing, change your self-talk to `it is only his or her opinion, it doesn’t mean that I am wrong’ I know that this advice has helped many people that I have counselled, because this is the truth.
• If someone disappoints you do you write them off 100% declaring that you will never trust them again, or if someone of the opposite sex hurts you might even overgeneralize even more to never trusting anyone of that sex again. Isn’t the truth that we all disappoint people at times, we’d like to be forgiven so maybe we also need to be more forgiving.

Some other common statements are overgeneralizations are:

• Things will never get better
• I’ll never amount to anything.
• These kind of statements lead to a feeling of hopelessness and therefore ultimately depression.

Mental filter

The best way of describing the mental filter is to imagine dropping a drop of ink into a glass of water. In no time at all the entire glass of water is discoloured. One thing goes wrong and you dwell on it exclusively until your picture of reality becomes darkened like the water.

• You have a pleasant family outing but the children fight on the way home. You tell them they’ve spoilt the entire day. It’s just not true. The children were noisy in the car going home which was understandable as they were tired. It did not spoil the entire day but you block out the many pleasant moments of the day by this thinking. In fact we can’t really expect children to behave like angels all the time – that’s unrealistic.
• You go out for dinner and the service takes a bit long. You have two choices, either let this spoil your whole evening or you can acknowledge it as an inconvenience, accept that the waiter is probably not intentionally out to spoil your entire evening. Rather choose to enjoy your time together. You can choose what you think.

Disqualifying the positive

Whenever you have a positive experience you reject it by insisting that it ‘doesn’t count’.

• You did well in an assignment. `Oh it was just luck, or the lecturer was in a good mood when he marked it, or the sun was shining or whatever.’ Your positive input, the time you spent studying is just negated, you’ve disqualified the positive experience, the reward for your hard work.
• You get a promotion at work and conclude that it’s only because you’ve been working there for 10 years so they had no choice.

Ignoring the positive implies that we should only pay attention to problems, or areas that need improving. This robs us of joy, satisfaction and self-esteem. It gives us a dreary outlook on life and we can stay negative even when all sorts of positive things are happening around us.

Jumping to conclusions

This is the source of all anxiety. You jump to negative conclusions without any evidence.

• Mind reading: You decide that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out. You assume you know what they are thinking.
  1. You tell your friend ‘I know why my husband gave the children and me tickets to the movies. Not because he cares about me and the kids; he just wanted to get us out of the house so he could watch rugby in peace.’
  2. She told me she had to visit her grandmother, but I know it was just an excuse not to visit me.
  3. Your friend tells you how nice you are looking but now you know that she normally thinks you look terrible, why else would she make the comment..
  4. Your son comes and starts a conversation. You half listen because you’re reading the paper and decide that he’s only talking to you because he wants something from you, it’s definitely either money or your car. You get impatient and say. Okay, what do you want? Maybe he doesn’t want something; maybe he just wants to talk. Don’t presume you know what someone wants and react on your thoughts. Wait for them to verbalize their thoughts.
  5. Your acquaintance doesn’t return your phone call…what do you think? Maybe ‘what have I done wrong? Well if she can’t be bothered to return my call, I’m not phoning her. You can see how this possibly doesn’t reflect the truth as maybe she never got the message and you would be better off checking this out with her first.
  6. Often married couples expect their spouse to mind read their needs. Learn to verbalize your needs; it will make for a happier marriage.

Nobody can mind-read so as soon as you start deciding what someone thinks you’ve got to consciously stop mid-track and ask yourself, what did the person actually say rather than presuming that your ‘mind-reading is reflecting the truth.’. Ask yourself what proof you that that your thought is true.

When we tell ourselves we know the real reasons other people have for their actions, we’re playing God – Only God and the owner of that mind knows that person’s thoughts. Stop doing it and you’ll be much happier.

• Fortune Telling: This one is future related; you anticipate that things will turn out badly, and to go from bad to worse, you feel convinced that your prediction is an established fact.
  1. When the boss doesn’t greet you in the morning you convince yourself that he is going to fire you. Maybe you wait anxiously for the bad news or maybe you decide to get in first and save the embarrassment of being fired and hand in your notice by lunchtime!
  2. Your husband is late, dinner’s getting cold and you haven’t heard a word and he hasn’t got a cell phone. What thoughts rush into your mind – He’s having an affair, he’s at the pub, he’s been in an accident! The anxiety mounts! Better phone the hospital or morgue. When he walks in you blast him and he tells you that he was stuck in a traffic jam and had no way of contacting you. Acting on what you incorrectly believed to be the truth you have spoiled the mood for the evening.
  3. How often do you hear people say `never mind – things will be better in the morning – you just need a good nights sleep’. How can they predict that things will be better in the morning?
  4. You have a physical pain and you conclude that it’s definitely cancer and you probably haven’t got long to live. You fear that what you are believing is the truth, why else would it enter you head, but are too scared to have it confirmed, so you don’t go to the doctor and continue living with the fear of imminent death hanging over you. Better check out the facts and go to the doctor.

Are your thoughts based in reality or are you fortune telling? If you are prone to anxiety, mind reading and fortune telling are your most common faulty thinking pattern.

Magnification or minimization

This is also called the binocular effect. You know when you look through the one side of binoculars everything looks big. You look through the other side and everything shrinks and looks tiny. We often magnify or minimize the importance of what others or we do or say.

• Maybe you go overboard in praising other people’s achievements in an effort to keep their love or approval. You’re magnifying their achievement, making it greater than it actually is.
• On the other hand you make a small mistake and you view it as a train smash. ‘I’m a real failure’ you tell yourself, ‘I’m useless’ and so on. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. You’re magnifying your mistake.
• If you obsess or have sleepless nights over some conversation, replaying it over and over again in your mind, you are probably magnifying the importance of what was said.
• If you loose your temper over minor incidents you are probably magnifying the importance of what has happened. You are turning relatively unimportant things into a train smash.
• Or maybe you minimise your good qualities. Maybe someone tells you how nice your dress is and you reply ‘oh this old thing’. Basically you are rejecting their compliment and they will stop complimenting you. A compliment is a gift – say thank you.
• Sometimes when a girl is dating a boy with a drinking problem, she will minimize the seriousness of the problem. She is not seeing the situation realistically because of her need to be in a relationship. A drinking problem is serious but she minimizes it because of her need.
• How do you respond to your child’s report card? Do you say things like ‘you did well getting 5 A’s but the B was disappointing’. If you point out other peoples imperfections or weaknesses you are a minimizer. Sometimes parents think that criticism will motivate children to improve. It doesn’t, it minimizes them. If you use the word ‘but’ or ‘yes, but’ a lot you are probably a minimizer because the word ‘but’ negates all that comes before it.

Emotional reasoning

Another way of describing emotional reasoning is `I feel it, therefore it must be true.’ You assume that your negative emotions reflect the truth, the way things really are.

• You feel that God doesn’t love you, and conclude that because this is how you feel, it must be true. This is a case of emotional reasoning. It is not true as the Word says that he loves you with an ever-lasting love. Our feelings do not always reflect the truth.
• Have you ever felt that your family would be better off with you dead, and because you feel this way, you presume that this is the truth? Most people with depression are very loved and are very badly affected when a family member takes their life.
• I don’t feel like getting up so it must be a bad idea, I’ll just stay in bed all day. The truth is that getting up and doing something will help you. Check out your feelings, they can be distorted.
• I feel like an idiot so I must be an idiot!

Should statements

It is amazing that a word like `should’ can affect how we feel, can affect our mood. I think that this word causes more problems in relationships than any other. The word `should’ is at the root of anger, guilt and resentment` The words must’ and `ought’ fall into the same category.

Do you try to motivate yourself with `shoulds’ and shouldn’ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything? If you do, you probably feel guilty a lot of the time as this is the emotional consequence.

When other people tell you what you should or shouldn’t do the consequence is anger and resentment. Others have the same feeling if you tell them what they should or shouldn’t do. It comes across as controlling and unaccepting because what we are really saying is that if you do what I tell you your life will be much better. This is quite arrogant, as we cannot possibly know what is better for another person. Don’t presume that what is right for you is right for the other person.

People who are task oriented are more inclined to want to fix up peoples problems, which involves a lot of ’should’ statements. Rather try to just listen to how the person is feeling, believing that they have it within themselves to solve their problem and maybe just need a listening, uncritical ear. Once we feel that we have been heard we often are able to move on and sort out our problems. Often being given advice and being told what we should or shouldn’t do actually makes it worse.

• You’re out shopping and get irritated. ‘That salesclerk should treat me with respect’ you say, ‘after all I am the customer’. You could also change your response to something like this: ‘The salesclerk could treat me with respect; but then again, it looks like she’s having a really rotten day and I get crabby too, when thing go like that’. Try and not to always reflect situations negatively onto yourself. Try to see what could be happening with the other person.

Labelling

Something goes wrong and you attach a negative label to yourself or someone else: `I’m stupid or a loser’ or ‘he’s an idiot’ or something worse. This type of language is emotionally loaded and not really true. Look up the dictionary and see whether the meaning is really the truth or not. When you label yourself as an idiot, according to the dictionary you are saying that you are a person so deficient in mind as to be permanently incapable of rational conduct. I’m sure this doesn’t apply to most of you.

Don’t label your children either with labels like, that’s the rebellious one, that one’s a handful. Labels can stick and when you label your children, they believe you are speaking the truth and this label will come true in their lives because you always behave in a way that matches what you believe. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Quite scary.

Personalization and blame

With this distortion you personalize or blame yourself for some negative event that you are not really responsible for.

• If your child does badly at school you blame yourself for being a hopeless mother – not true. You can guide your child, but the child has to take responsibility for his schoolwork.
• Do you act as a go-between between your spouse and your children, taking responsibility for their happiness, trying to keep the peace? Are you trying to fix up relationships that are really outside of your control?

On the other hand if your language is full of `if only’ statements you are probably prone to blaming outside events for your situation.

• If only I hadn’t come from a dysfunctional family.
• If only my husband was nicer to me.

If you blame others or circumstances, you are playing a victim role and will always be at the mercy of how you perceive others to treat you. Remember it’s not the event that causes your mood, but rather how you interpret the event. When you stand before God one day, you cannot say that you didn’t do much with your life because He put you into a dysfunctional family.

CHANGING YOUR THOUGHTS – Step by step

Before you start you will need some ‘tools’. You will need a notebook, a pen and a copy of the list called Faulty thinking patterns (cognitive distortions). Are you ready?

1. Listen to your emotions. When something upsets us we usually react in a physical way as well as in our emotions. When someone says something that leaves me feeling depressed or angry, I usually feel as if someone has just thumped me on the chest. Maybe you feel the same way. Some people react as if someone has punched them in the stomach. What physical reaction do you have when you are upset? This negative reaction is telling you that it is time to examine your thoughts.
2. Keep a notebook and write down the event that caused the negative event. You might be tempted to skip this and try and do it in your head. Please don’t, as writing it down is a very important step. It also helps to stops your thoughts from getting out of control like a runaway train.
3. For each negative reaction you will need to write down
   • The event that ’caused’ your negative emotion,
   • Your automatic thought. People get thoughts and feelings muddled. If in doubt thoughts can always be preceded by the words ‘I think that..’
   • Faulty thinking pattern. Use your list of Faulty Thinking Patterns and see where your thinking could be wrong. You will need to become very familiar with this list so that with practice you can immediately identify where your thinking is going wrong.
   • Replace your automatic thought with a more realistic thought.

With practice you will become quicker at replacing the thought before it takes you on a downward spiral. Maybe an event comes to mind now that gave you a negative reaction, in which case maybe you want to try and work it out. Also most of us seem to have our ‘favorite’ faulty thinking pattern and possibly even as you read the list a few seemed to jump out at you.

At this point you might need a word of encouragement! Does it sound like too much hard work? It is hard work but I promise you that it is worth the effort to live a life free of depression and anxiety and emotional turmoil. Hang in there! Take one step at a time!

Let’s go through a few examples as this may help in understanding the process.

• Your friend has a problem and you automatically try to fix her up, give her advice She doesn’t listen to you. You get fed up and frustrated, after all, you’re only trying to help her but she just doesn’t seem to want to listen to you. Your getting frustrated is the negative emotion that indicates that you need to examine your thoughts. Let’s look at this scenario in terms of the event, emotions, automatic thought and replacement thought.
  1. Event – Tried fixing up your friend, giving (obviously unwelcome) advice.
  2. Emotion – frustration, probably also anger
  3. Automatic Thought – Maybe it could be ‘I am responsible for making everyone happy’. ‘Negative emotions are unacceptable. – Got to sort the person out’.
     • Is this thought based in the truth? Are you really responsible for making everyone happy? This is a very common belief but it is not based in the truth, as we are each responsible for our own happiness. Remember that it is our own thoughts that determine our mood. If you believe that you are responsible for making everyone happy you will probably experience endless frustration, as we cannot change people. Our task is to love our friend and walk alongside her. Most people resist being told what to do and it makes them want to do the exact opposite. Try telling a child not to touch something in a shop and when your back is turned they will do what you told them not to do! This thought if you look at the list of faulty thinking patterns falls in a ‘Should’ statement – no. 8 as you are telling your friend what she should do and you are getting cross because she should listen to you. You are actually being controlling. Also the belief that negative emotions are unacceptable is not based in reality as we all have negative emotions but many perfectionists believe that they are unacceptable and need to be sorted out.
  4. Replacement thought? ‘It is not my responsibility to fix up my friend but it is my responsibility to love her, accept her as she is and just listen to her’. ‘It is okay for her to show negative emotion as we all have negative as well as positive emotions at different times’. You will probably immediately change how you feel; a burden will be lifted because this thought is based in reality.
     • Future behaviour. Now that you are aware of a faulty thinking pattern, the next time you want to step in and ‘fix up’ your friend stop yourself and empathise and love her instead. If you have a tendency to say, I’m only trying to help, it probably indicates a tendency towards wanting to control others, to fix people up.
• Jane (not her real name) sent her brother to the shops. On the way a drunken motorist killed him. Jane feels responsible for his death, as he wouldn’t have died if she hadn’t asked him to go to the shops. Now she won’t drive, remains housebound and fearful of going out. She also suffers from depression and anxiety. The negative emotion of depression and anxiety is the indication that the underlying thoughts need to be examined.
  1. Event – Jane sent her brother to the shops. On the way he a drunken motorist killed him.
  2. Emotion – Depression and anxiety.
  3. Automatic thought – ‘I am responsible for his death. If I hadn’t sent him to the shops he would still be alive.’
     • Is this thought based in the truth? Is she responsible for his death? No, it was the drunken motorist who killed him. It is true that he might still be alive if she had not sent him to the shops but she is not responsible for his death. She would not have sent him to the shops if she could have foreseen what was to happen. She is taking inappropriate responsibility, which is referred to as ‘personalization’ (no. 10 on the list of faulty thinking patterns) where you see yourself as the cause of some negative external event, which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.
  4. Replacement thought – ‘The drunken motorist is responsible for my brother’s death. I feel terribly sad that I asked him to go to the shops but there was no way that I could have known what would happen. I am not responsible for his death, my brother would not hold me responsible and would rather I got on with living life to the full’.
• John is retrenched from his job, feels angry and despondent about ever getting another job.
  1. Event – Retrenched from job
  2. Emotion – Anger, despondency
  3. Automatic thought – I’ll never get another job.
     • Is this thought based in reality? I’ll never get another job. – ‘Never’ is a key word for overgeneralization (no.1 on the list of faulty thinking patterns) and should ring a bell. How can you possibly know what is going to happen in the future, that you will never get another job. In fact if you convince yourself you’ll never get another job you will make this come true by the manner in which you present yourself at the interview as you always act out in a manner consistent with what you believe.
  4. Replacement thought – No reason why I won’t get another job. The company were downsizing and no longer needed my expertise. Even if I’m unsuccessful with 9 interviews it doesn’t mean I will never get a job. The 10th on could give me a lucky break!
  5. Automatic thought – They shouldn’t have retrenched me.
     • Is this thought based in reality? They shouldn’t have retrenched me. – ‘Should’ statement (no,8). The word ’should’ rings a bell. Replace the word should with ‘it would have been nice if’.
  6. Replacement thought – It would have been nice if they hadn’t retrenched me but it is really a sign of the times with many companies downsizing. I can re-skill for other work.
  7. Automatic thought – They’ll never get another person as good as me. The next person will just mess up.
     • Is this thought based in reality? They’ll never get another person as good as me. – No. 1. Overgeneralization The next person will just mess up. – No.5. Fortune telling
  8. Replacement thought – Maybe discard these ridiculous thoughts as not worth replacing!

Maybe you can feel the changed emotions for yourself as you read the examples. It’s not a case of positive thinking but it is a case of lining up your thinking with reality. I cannot overemphasise the importance of this list in changing your thoughts. I know the list so well that as soon as someone uses the ’should’ word, I think, cognitive distortion no.8 and immediately replace my angry or resentful thoughts associated with ’should statements’!

CLOSING COMMENTS ON CHANGING YOUR THOUGHTS

I know that it is not easy but I would really encourage you to persevere. Some people I know practiced the technique by looking at past situations that had hurt them to see how they could have thought differently. One friend went right back to childhood hurts and managed to get some degree of healing by using this technique. Please email me with any of your examples that might help others, maybe examples where you found the techniques helped or even examples where you would like me to give some input. I cannot reply personally but can reply in the section titled Your questions, keeping your identity anonymous.

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Physical Aspects

DEPRESSION PROGRESSION

I found this diagram very useful in understanding how depression affects us physically. I remember when the doctor told me that I was suffering from depression I was horrified! After all who wants to acknowledge that they have a mental illness. Maybe you reacted the same way. Somehow understanding that it was also a physical illness made it more acceptable. Let me explain this diagram of the Depression Progression to you going anti-clockwise, starting in the top left corner with stress.

STRESS

Depression always starts with stress. It is also associated with loss. Sometimes it is a very real loss like the death of a loved one, or the loss of a job. It can also be an internal loss, like a loss of self-esteem. Stress is not the same for two people. An event that one person might find to be hugely stressful might cause no stress to another. It all depends about how the situation is viewed.

A very important concept in cognitive therapy is that it is not the situation or event that causes stress, but rather what it means to the individual that causes stress.

So when you want to blame someone else or blame a situation for your depression you need to ask yourself what it means to you personally. We have to take responsibility for our reactions to a situation, rather than allowing our moods to be under the control of other people or external circumstances. This is dealt with in more detail in PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECTS but read the following examples to start understanding the concept.

• Perfectionists are very prone to depression as their standards are impossibly high; they never meet them and constantly feel that they are a failure. The motto for many perfectionists is ‘If you can’t do something perfectly, don’t do it at all.’ Often this fear of failure stops them from even trying, as mistakes are a train smash. This type of thinking is very stressful. Whereas another person sees a mistake as part of life and a part of life’s learning process. It’s okay make mistakes because you can learn from them. After all how else do you learn? Obviously the second person’s thoughts are more based in reality and this type of thinking does not result in stress or depression.
• ‘People pleasers’ are another group of people who are prone to depression as they depend so much on other people approving of them to feel good. This is actually an impossible ideal, places the responsibility for your moods in the hands of others. Also it is impossible to please everyone and every time someone disapproves of you it pushes you into the downward spiral of depression.
• You have two salesmen and neither of them closes a particular sale. The one salesman says ‘On, darn it, I’m useless as a salesman, I’ll never make it, I may as well just give up’. How is this man going to feel? Without a doubt he will feel down in the dumps. Whereas the other salesman who didn’t close the deal might say ‘Well I can learn from that experience. I think I need to polish up on some of my selling techniques so I can do better the next time’. These thoughts won’t pull him into depression.
• You phone an acquaintance, leave a message for him to phone you and he doesn’t return your call. What goes on in your mind? Maybe thoughts like ‘what did I do wrong? He can’t like me if he doesn’t bother to return my call and if he can’t be bothered to phone me – well I won’t bother with him any more!’ These thoughts will lead to a loss of self-esteem and make you feel down. On the other hand your thoughts may go along these lines. ‘I wonder if he got my message, or maybe he’s forgotten as he’s busy. Anyway, let me give him a ring to find out.’ These thoughts won’t lead to depression and internal stress as they are grounded in reality.

I hope you can see that it is the way we think that causes us to feel depressed and stressed rather than the event. Just think about it when you have happy thoughts, you feel happy. When you have sad thoughts you feel sad. Your thoughts determine your mood, not the other way round. The difficulty is that most of us are unaware of our thoughts and our thoughts have become automatic. You can liken it to driving a car. After years of driving I no longer consciously think about changing gear, I do it automatically. However if I were to drive in a country that drives on the other side of the road I would have to be focused on my driving if I value my life.

STRESS LEADS TO DECREASED SEROTONINS

I am not a medical doctor, but I found this diagram useful.

• Thoughts are transmitted in the brain by travelling as an electrical impulse along one nerve and across the synapse to the next nerve.
• A chemical messenger (serotonin) facilitates this move.
• This chemical gets depleted if the person is subject to an excessive amount of stress with no time for the chemical to naturally replenish itself between the stressful events.
• A symptom of this chemical being depleted is the negative thoughts that are a symptom of depression. Basically the thinking process short-circuits and the thoughts are not transferred properly.
• The negative thinking is a symptom that there is a physical illness and the person needs medical treatment to restore the chemical level.

NEGATIVE THINKING

The symptoms of depression are negative thinking. Feelings of being worthless, unlovable, guilty are very common symptoms. For a full list of symptoms see What is depression? The negativity showed by a depressed person might be very uncharacteristic and well-meaning people might tell the person ‘to pull himself together’. Maybe you reprimand yourself in a similar way but it really doesn’t help as there is a physical problem – the brain is ill. It really is ridiculous advice just as would be ridiculous to tell heart patients ‘to pull themselves together’.

IN THE PIT

A person experiencing severe depression often refers to being in the Pit or in a dark tunnel. I wrote this description using the symptoms of depression to try and help people who have never experienced depression to get some sort of idea of what it is like. Maybe you can read it to a loved one who is trying to understand what you are going through.

Ask them to please close their eyes as you read the following ……
Imagine yourself in a dark pit; you don’t know how you got there. You just seemed to land on a slippery slope and down you went. It’s very scary, nothing makes sense, and you can’t see anything. Thoughts bombard you from within, a bit like bats flying round you in a dark cave — you’re worthless, you’re guilty, you’re unlovable, life’s hopeless. You become restless and irritable. You can’t sleep. You’re tired but sleep doesn’t come. Your appetite is gone and you can’t eat. Things that you used to enjoy hold no appeal now you’re in the pit. You try to claw your way out; it’s such a battle — maybe death would be a welcome alternative. It’s very scary and you realize you need help to get out. But this is also scary because it’s difficult to trust anyone — you’ve learnt to be so self-sufficient- people can hurt. You get a grip on the edge of the pit and hope someone will give you a hand and pull you out. Someone does come along and your hopes rise.
People peer over the edge and you hear comments like:

1. What’s your problem?
2. I’m surprised, I thought you were stronger than that.
3. No one ever said life was fair.
4. Pull yourself together.
5. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
6. There are lots of people worse off than you. You feel yourself loosing your grip on the edge of the pit.
7. You have so many things to be thankful for, why are you depressed?
8. You think YOU’VE got problems…!
9. Cheer up!
10. You need to get out more.
11. Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes.
12. You never think of anyone but yourself.
13. You’re just looking for attention.
14. You don’t LOOK depressed.
15. Maybe you should take some vitamins, or camomile tea for your stress.

All these comments hurt you so much; maybe you were right in not trusting people. Other people come by and see your struggle to get out of the pit maybe these people will help. You hear these words.

1. I love you; let me give you a hand.
2. I do care; let’s go out for a cup of coffee.
3. You’re not alone in this.
4. I’m not going to abandon you.
5. Hey, you’re not crazy!
6. I can’t fully understand what you are feeling, but I’ll try.
7. You are important to me.
8. All 1 want to do now is give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on.
9. When all this is over, I’ll still be here and so will you.
10. It will pass. We can ride it out together.

These comments came from a list I read of the best and worst comments people had been told when they were depressed. I hope this helps in getting your loved one to understand your depression a bit better.

MEDICATION

Medication has come a long way in recent years and has helped many people to lead normal lives. Anti-depressants are not addictive and are not ‘happy’ pills. Tranquillizers are addictive and alter your mood. All that anti-depressants do is make you normal by restoring brain chemicals to normal levels.

We have to accept that the brain too, is just another organ of the body and can get ill. Somehow we can accept all the other body organs getting ill but not the brain. We expect the brain to always work perfectly and it makes recovery so much harder if we don’t accept that the brain can get ill and can need treatment. So, my advice is, swallow your pride, go to your doctor and get treatment.

Anti-depressants don’t take away the knocks that hit you but they will keep your serotonin level normal so that you don’t go into the pit of depression while sorting out your problems. Sorting out the emotional side is very stressful but worth it in the long run. Although there is nothing to be ashamed of in getting treatment and it might be the wisest decision you’ll ever make, be careful whom you tell about your depression. By all means tell a friend who is sympathetic to you but there are many people who might cause you more hurt by their inappropriate although possibly well meant advise.

It will probably take at least two weeks before you start feeling a bit better and find that your thoughts are becoming a bit more normal. Often at this stage people feel so relieved that they are ‘better’ they throw out their pills. This is a big mistake as it is actually the pills that are making you feel better and it won’t be long before you are down the slippery slope to ‘the pit’ again. It’s a bit like being thirsty. A sip of water might take away your thirst for a short time but you need a glass of water to quench your thirst. Likewise your brain needs a full dose of medication to ‘quench its’ thirst’.

Work with your doctor and tell him how the medication is affecting you. You might be lucky with the first medication you get but if you have side effects talk to your doctor, as there will be one that agrees with you. It is very important to have counselling when you are on medication as sorting out what is causing you stress will help towards preventing a subsequent breakdown.
How long must I stay on medication?

The first time you are on medication you will need to stay on for between 6-9 months so that the serotonin level can be properly restored. The second time you are on medication you will probably need to stay on for about a year and after a third breakdown you will possibly need to be on a life long maintenance dose. Don’t despair; rather be thankful to medical science for medication that can keep one normal.
Mixing medication

Do not mix homeopathic or naturopathic medication with pharmaceutical medication as they might have an allergic reaction. I did hear of someone who died from taking a combination of Prozac and St. John’s Wort. I cannot emphasise too much the importance of working with your doctor to overcome your depression. If your doctor does not take your symptoms seriously, find another doctor who is sympathetic to depression. It is an illness that can be treated and there is no need to suffer unnecessarily.
Self-medication

Many people use alcohol, drugs, and some men womanising to self-medicate. All of these are a substitute for real psychological health and it’s really a bad idea to replace depression with one of these other problems. Rather see a psychologist and get to the root of the problem. Many people with an alcohol problem are actually self-medicating for depression. Alcohol initially increases the serotonin level in the brain causing one to be happy. The problem is that the next day the serotonin level drops to an all time low and more alcohol is needed to boost up the serotonin level again.

DEALING WITH STRESSORS

A basic principle in cognitive therapy is that depression or anxiety are caused by your thoughts, so the way to stop the depression cycle from reoccurring when you are under stress again is to change the way you think. An explanation of “cognitive therapy” as well as “Changing your thoughts – step by step” is given in detail in the section called PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECTS.

SELF ESTEEM

The biggest blow during depression is the loss of self-esteem and sense of self worth. Your confidence takes a down ward plummet. This unfortunately is part of depression. The important thing is not to buy into this idea of having no worth as allowing this type of thinking to take root just makes the situation worse. So the next time the thought comes into your head that you are worthless talk back to that voice – it’s as if we have to get our ‘best friend voice’ within us to counteract this ‘worst enemy voice’ within us.
Our behaviour always matches what we believe about ourselves so if you feel that you are worthless your behaviour will match this feeling so you can imagine how you will come across say for example during an interview for a job that you desperately need.
Everyone has the same worth just because we are created beings with a place on this planet. In this world we so often get our sense of esteem from our looks, our wealth, our status, the type of car we drive or our job position. This really makes no sense. We don’t judge a baby as being worthless because it has a nil bank balance. Nor do we judge someone like Mother Teresa as worthless. She too had none of these worldly things. We just need to look at superstars like Elvis, Marilyn Munroe and Freddy Mercury. They had all the material things the world could offer them but they died lonely, unhappy people.
This concept is well illustrated in the Bible in Matthew 16:26 where it says: What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world yet forfeits his soul?
Don’t link your self-worth or the worth of others to material things. In the Bible 2 Corinthians 5:16 says: So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. It really will do you no good. Your looks will fade as you grow older and your bank balance may diminish through no fault of your own. Some men have their sense of worth so tied up with their jobs that their sense of purpose is lost when they retire and some die within 6 months of retirement because they have lost their purpose in life.
If you are a Christian base your self-esteem in Christ and what He says about you. You know what it is like when you are so in love with someone that you would rather die than be separated from your loved one? How often do we hear young lovers say they can’t live without their loved one? This is the kind of love that God has for each one of us, a love so deep that Jesus, God the Son chose to die rather than be separated from us for eternity. All we have to do is accept this love gift. Who am I to say that I am worthless, when the Son of God was prepared to die for me? Believing that you are worthless will obviously make you feel depressed.
In the Bible, 2 Corinthians 5:17 it says: If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come! If you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour this applies to you, you are a new creation. It is the truth. The problem is that you might read this but not believe it to be true for you. An anorexic girl looking into the mirror continues to believe she is fat despite what she sees in the mirror. Despite the evidence she continues to starve herself, as she has not changed her belief to match what she sees in the mirror. As Christians our mirror is the Bible, it is God’s love letter to us. Do we believe what the Bible tells us about who we are? Or do we continue to believe we are worthless and behave in a way that matches this faulty belief? If God says you are a new creation this is the truth despite what you might think or feel.
Improving your self-esteem (a Christian perspective).

The list below describes who you really are and what you enjoy in Christ. You can’t earn these qualities any more than you can earn or buy the rights and freedoms you enjoy as a citizen of the nation where you live. These traits are guaranteed to you by the Word of God simply because you were born into God’s family by faith in Christ. There is nothing you can do to make these characteristics more true of you. But you can make them more meaningful and productive in your life by simply choosing to believe them. One of the best ways to grow and mature as a believer is to continually remind yourself who you are and what you possess as a child of God. The more you affirm who you are in Christ, the more your behaviour will reflect your true identity. Print out this list for easy daily reference.
Who am I? – My identity in Christ

• I am the salt of the earth (Matt. 5:13).
• I am the light of the world (Matt. 5:14).
• I am a child of God (John 1:12).
• I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15).
• I am a slave of righteousness (Rom. 6:18).
• I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing in His inheritance with Him (Rom. 8:17).
• I am a temple, a dwelling place, of God. His Spirit and His life dwells in me (1 Cor. 3:16; 6:19).
• I am a member of Christ’s Body (1 Cor. 12:27; Eph. 5:30).
• I am a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17).
• I am reconciled to God and am a minister of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18,19).
• I am a saint (Eph. 1:1; 1 Cor. 1:2; Phil. 1:1; Col. 1:2).
• I am God’s workmanship, His handiwork, born anew in Christ to do His work (Eph. 2:10).
• I am a fellow citizen with the rest of God’s family (Eph. 2:19).
• I am a prisoner of Christ (Eph. 31; 41).
• I am righteous and holy (Eph. 4:24).
• I am a citizen of heaven, seated in heaven right now (Phil. 3:20; Eph. 2:6).
• I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:4)
• I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved (Col. 3:12; 1 Thess. 1:4).
• I am a partaker of Christ; I share in His life (Heb. 3:14).
• I am one of God’s living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house (1 Pet. 2:5).
• I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession (1 Pet. 2:9,10).
• I am an alien and stranger to this world in which I temporarily live (1 Pet. 2:11).
• I am an enemy of the devil (1 Pet. 5:8).
• I am born of God, and the evil one, the devil, cannot touch me (1 John 5:18).

Since I am in Christ, by the grace of God

• I have been justified, completely forgiven and made righteous (Rom. 5: 1).
• I died with Christ and died to the power of sin’s rule over my life (Rom. 6:1-6).
• I am free forever from condemnation (Rom. 8:1).
• I have received the Spirit of God into my life that I might know the things freely given to me by God (1 Cor. 2:12).
• I have been given the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16).
• I have been bought with a price; I am not my own; I belong to God (1 Cor. 6:19,20).
• Since I have died, I no longer live for myself, but for Christ. I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I am now living is Christ’s life (Gal. 2:20).
• I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing (Eph. L3).
• I was chosen in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and am without blame before Him (Eph. 1:4).
• I was predestined, determined by God, to be adopted as God’s son (Eph. 1:5).
• I have been redeemed and forgiven, and I am a recipient of His lavish grace. I have been raised up and seated with Christ in heaven (Eph. 2:6).
• I have direct access to God through the Spirit (Eph. 2:18).
• I may approach God with boldness, freedom and confidence (Eph. 3:12).
• I have been rescued from the domain of Satan’s rule and transferred to the kingdom of Christ (Col. 1:13).
• I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. The debt against me has been cancelled (Col. 1:14).
• Christ Himself is in me (Col. 1:27).
• I have been made complete in Christ (Col. 2:10).
• I have been buried, raised and made alive with Christ (Col. 2:12,13).
• I died with Christ and I have been raised up with Christ. My life is now hidden with Christ in God. Christ is now my life (Col. 31-4).
• I have been given a spirit of power, love and self-discipline (2 Tim. 1:7).
• I have been saved and set apart according to God’s doing (2 Tim. 1-9; Titus 3:5).
• I have the right to come boldly before the throne of God to find mercy and grace in time of need. (Heb. 4:16)
• I have been given exceedingly great and precious promises by God by which I am a partaker of God’s divine nature (2 Pet. 1:4).

My Commitment to Affirm My Identity in Christ

I will continue to affirm my scriptural identity in Christ by reading this list aloud …….time(s) each day between now and …………………………
Reference: Neil Anderson: Victory over the Darkness. Regal Books, Ventura, California

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About Depression

Symptoms Of Depression

• Persistent sad, anxious or `empty’ mood
• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that you once enjoyed, including sex
• Insomnia, early-morning awakening or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
• Decreased energy, fatigue, being `slowed down’
• Thoughts of death or suicide, suicide attempts
• Restlessness, irritability
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
• Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain

If several of these apply to you, you could be suffering from depression and need medical help.

What Is Depression?

Depression is the common cold of the psychiatric illnesses. This can be quite reassuring because when you are depressed you feel that there cannot possibly be anyone else in the world that feels as terrible as you do. The figure a few years ago was that 3 out of 10 people would experience clinical depression in their lifetime. That’s nearly one of every three people. Next time you go to the shops count off every third person and mentally note that that person could be part of the 3 out of 10 people statistic. You’re not alone. Also you will note that the people that you have counted off, don’t look different, in fact they look quite together and competent. You might feel that the whole world can read a label on your forehead announcing to the world that you’re ‘worthless’ or ‘guilty’ (common feelings when depressed) but it’s just not true- nobody would know just by looking at you. You are not alone. In fact, depression is on the increase because of the increased stress that we are experiencing these days.

Ups and downs are part of normal living. It is normal to feel down when you experience a loss, whether it is losing your job, losing your spouse to divorce or death, a loss of self-esteem through rejection or one of the many other life events that can cause us to feel down. However a clinical depression is different from a normal ‘blue’ mood. The person feels down for much longer than is regarded as normal. It affects the way you eat and sleep, the way you feel about yourself, the way you see the world, and your thoughts become very negative and out of touch with reality. It is very important to accept that your thoughts are negative and out of touch with reality and probably don’t represent the ‘truth’. Changing how you think and examining the truth in your thinking is not easy but it is worth it and is covered in the section PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECTS.

Is Depression A Personal Weakness?

The answer to this is a definite no, despite how you or others may view the illness. The lack of acceptance that people with depression feel often confirms their inner feelings that it is a personal weakness. Just remember that it is a physical illness caused by stress. Many very competent people suffer from depression and stress and it is possibly the very high standards that they place on themselves that cause the stress. Also perfectionists tend to be prone to depression because of the stress of striving to be perfect which in reality is impossible.

Does Pretending You’re Not Depressed Make it go away?

There is a lot to be said on not dwelling on your negative thoughts all the time because it is our thoughts that determine how we feel. If your thoughts are down and negative, it will cause you to feel down and unhappy. On the other hand if you get out with a friend or get involved in an activity that you enjoy, you will feel better. However, the depression will not just go away by pretending that it is not there, by wearing a happy ‘mask’ to the world. This will also make you feel isolated as you will have the feeling that nobody knows the real you. You cannot just ‘pull yourself together’ as people might tell you to do. Try not to let a comment like this pull you down into the ‘pit’ but rather have pity on the person who makes such a comment, pity them for their lack of knowledge. Accept that you have an illness and don’t deprive yourself of the treatment that is available and the opportunity to get better. I do know of someone who silently suffered with depression, never told her husband or friends, always pretending to be coping well until one day the strain became too much and she took her life, leaving a devastated husband and children behind. If you try to ignore it, it won’t just go away, so rather accept it, go with the flow and use the experience as a time for self-examination and growth. Don’t pretend – get treatment!

Depression Is A Warning System?

Our bodies are wonderfully made with all sorts of warning systems. We know that hunger pangs tell us that our bodies need food and we respond to this need if we want to stay healthy. If you place your hand on a hot stove, your nervous system will very quickly get you to remove your hand – it would certainly be in your best interests if you value your hand!

In a like manner depression is the warning system that tells you that all is not well in your emotional life and you had better respond to this warning if you want to be healthy.

There is pain involved as change is not easy, but in the end it is worth it. Just as going for surgery is painful you usually make the decision because you know that in the long run it’s in your best interests.

You need to acknowledge your monsters. It takes a lot of energy to keep these monsters hidden. Rather acknowledge their presence, deal with them and direct them to the door marked EXIT and give them marching orders! Recently I heard a very good analogy. ‘You can pretend that the depression is not there but it’s like keeping a beach ball hidden under the water – it takes so much energy! Rather let the ball come up to the surface and use your energy to pop the ball or throw it away!’.

How Do Our Body, Mind And Spirite Interrelate?

The three parts of man that make up our whole person is our body, mind and spirit. These parts cannot be separated. If one of these parts is ill, the illness can be manifested in any of the other parts. It is known that 80% of doctor’s consultations for a physical problem stem from an emotional problem. For example a spastic colon is usually the result of anxiety, but the ill person will usually insist that they have a physical illness and go from one doctor to the next insisting that the problem is physical. Often when the emotional side is treated, the physical side heals.

From a spiritual perspective (Christian) it is acknowledged that a lack of forgiveness and bitterness can lead to depression, which affects the body and mind. Although all three parts are interrelated I have loosely separated the information into three sections under the headings of PHYSICAL ASPECTS (body), PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECTS (mind) and SPIRITUAL ASPECTS (Christian). At times they will overlap.

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Depression Can Be Overcome

Overcoming depression can be be very hard. But there are skills that can be learnt to overcome depression. This time of emotional turmoil is an opportunity for growth, a time to examine how you think and what you believe about life. Bad things happen to good people and many of the bad things cannot be changed, but you do have a choice about your attitude towards these events. The skills you will learn can help you to learn how to stop the awful downward spiral into the pit of depression. Just the fact that you are reading this page indicates your desire to do something about your depression and I congratulate you on this.

My name is Karin Stewart and I am a social worker in private practice. My particular interest has been helping people with overcoming depression. This website is called ‘Overcoming depression’ because of the skills you can use to keep yourself out of depression.

My interest started when I had a depression breakdown in 1996 and felt that this was the very worst experience I’d been through. I want to share skills and knowledge with you that helped me as well as many others that I have shared these with. Use the information on this webpage in addition to the medical and psychological treatment you are receiving.

By all means dip into titles on this site that interest you but I would recommend starting from the beginning and working through the information. The section on Psychological Aspects, in particular, needs to be read from the beginning. Concepts in the later sections depend on an understanding of explanations given in the beginning sections.

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